Month: January 2014

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Stuff happening today…

Justin Bieber arrested for being a complete idiot

That little a**hole Justin Bieber is once again in the spotlight, this time being arrested for drinking under the influence and drag-racing along Miami Beach. Chalk that one off as one of his more impressive acts of idiocy.

He’s currently being detained, with droves of paparazzi awaiting him outside because they live hollow lives. He’s expected to serve a maximum of one night in prison, two weeks in rehab and another few weeks splashed all over the tabloids.

Juan Mata’s move to Old Trafford imminent as heli-pad is readied at Carrington

In one of the more shocking transfers in recent years, two-time Chelsea ‘player of the year’ Juan Mata looks set to complete his £40M transfer to David Moyes’ struggling Manchester United side.

The move is expected to be completed today, with Mata expected to fly into United’s Carrington training facility via helicopter to complete his medical. It has been widely reported that Mata was gagged and blind-folded for the entire of last night as United embarrassingly lost to Sunderland on penalties in the League Cup semi-final, lest he be deterred from signing for a team that are a lot worse than he feared.

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Oscar Nominations – No Daniel Day-Lewis nominations shocks world

The nominations for the 80-something-th Academy Awards have been unveiled today with great fanfare and little surprise as all the favourites are there. There was one notable absentee however, with Wicklow native Daniel Day-Lewis nowhere to be found amongst the throngs of Hollywood’s elite.

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Cynics and critics will of course point to the fact that Day-Lewis is absent because he failed to star in a movie in 2013, but that’s not good enough for some punters who feel that this year’s leading actors didn’t do enough to earn a ‘Best Actor’ nomination. Many reckon that Day-Lewis should probably just get another Oscar for My Left Foot or There Will Be Blood just because why not and they were that good.

The favourites for the coveted ‘Best Actor’ award are Le0nardo Di Caprio for The Wolf of Wall Street, Chiwetel Ejiofor for 12 Years a Slave, Christian Bale for American Hustle, Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club and Bruce Dern for Nebraska. There was no room thankfully for Tom Hanks’ Americanised version of events in his turn in Captain Phillips thankfully.

Insiders in Hollywood have commented at this lacklustre bunch and stated next year they will be pushing for an all-Daniel Day-Lewis themed Academy Awards, where only categories that involve his work will suffice. Thus guaranteeing Day-Lewis comes home with the goods once again.

“I don’t understand it. I mean Daniel is clearly the best actor this year,” Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence said. “Just because he didn’t make a movie. I mean, we all know he would definitely have won if he had.”

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The fact that Day-Lewis’ last couple of movies (There Will Be Blood and Lincoln) have been incredibly boring movies that were only impressive thanks to one individual performance has lead other suggesting he is saving the public from more boredom, and such charity should be rewarded.

“I mean, the guy’s losing out on money,” an insider explained. “So why should he still lose out on an Oscar? Have you seen My Left Foot? That that performance only warranted a single measly Oscar was a travesty.”

For now, the world will have to wait until the big show begins in 46 days time, though for many there’s a lingering sense of injustice as Day-Lewis sits by the phone waiting for at least an invitation to accept a Cecil B. Demille award or something.

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